Optimistic Indifference

So every so often I stop and think, and I wonder if this is really happening. Everything is shifted to the internet these days and things just become so impersonal. My hiring on, for example. The first two instances I had with Raytheon about work were through emails. My actual 'interview' was conducted over the phone. Then everything was handled through emails. Instructions emailed to me, forms downloaded off a webpage, more forms emailed, etc. Every so often I stop and wonder if I really was hired by a company to work at the end of the Earth. I feel as though I haven't talked with anyone, or met anyone, and that its all not really real, or that its an elaborate scam/joke, and that there isn't a job waiting and that come next week I'll get left behind with all the gear I've bought and packed and readied.
But then I stop and remember that I have spoken with people, gone to medical appointments, and even dropped off some paperwork in person at the company headquarters and that I've had actual physical interaction with the institution of Raytheon. That is how this sort of thing SHOULD be handled (unless of course you live in another state or something, then I can understand telecommunication). People should interview you in person, meet with you regularly or make phone calls or have you actually INSIDE their office at some point.

Oddly, I'm not really anxious about any of this. I'm not excited, I'm not nervous, I'm not afraid. It is something I want to do, without a doubt, but now that I've been accepted and I know I am going I've kind of just fallen back, relaxed and waiting. I saw 'Encounters at the End of the World' today with my mother. Afterwards she asked if seeing the movie made me more excited or nervous. I said that I would have been more motivated to go if I didn't already know I was going.
I think I've developed an odd, liesurely outlook on life lately, which is good. I don't get all upset at most things though my parents might disagree with that, but then again they've formed their opinions without all their facts.

I gladly look forward to getting down on the ice, to doing something completely new, something I have never done before, some place so far away from where I am used to. I want to do this, I will do this, I will do whatever it takes to get this done and stick through it, but at the same time I feel like I am just sitting back and enjoying the ride, letting what happens happen and looking at life with a weird sense of optimistic indifference.